I stop at the top of the hill. The wind blows past me towards the old brick observatory. The grass is unbelievably green around a memorial granite boulder.  Below the wooded slope sways up to the edge of the water. The lake stretches to a distance faded shore. I breath.

I see the shadow first. It is large: perhaps four feet wide. It sweeps around and reveals a falcon diving towards me. Diving it passes close enough for me to feel its wind. It levels only inches from the ground and glides past and under a tree. It continues through the fence on one side of the walk. The space is barely large enough for it’s wings and for a split second I fear it will hit the fence on the other side. Almost before the thought has passed my mind it makes a grab for a small bird I hadn’t even noticed and angles through the other fence. It is obviously planned and perfectly coordinated. Continuing upward it voices it’s dissatisfaction at having missed and disappears.

It is one of the most awe inspiring things I have seen.

It has been a long day, part of a longer week and the prelude to yet more of the same. I have been down and uninspired making things worse for quite some time. I feel that I do not wish to be here though perhaps it is exactly where I need to be. I have demons which have plagued me for years. Some almost as long as I can remember. I am sick of them and tired of feeling harried and depressed. These feelings even help keep me stuck in a mire of problems and bad habits.

This is neither my lowest nor highest point but I want to Change and must fight to do so. I have tried in the past and either failed or succeeded but failed to maintain progress.

This blog is a means of adding documentation and an element of accountability to my latest effort. I will post goals and plans and then track their success.